10 Things I Thank God For Every Thanksgiving/Day

Happy Thanksgiving, amigos.

Welcome to my favorite holiday. It’s not because of the food and it’s not because of the football. It’s probably a combination of both. I hope everyone is able to spend this day with either family or friends and enjoy everything you’ve been blessed with. Today is the day we feel obligated to do the thing that should be an everyday occurrence: give thanks to God for family, friends…and God. And that’s it. Anything more and you’ll just be postponing the meal and you might as well just hit yourself in the head with a shoe because that’s what Uncle Bill will do if you even think about interrupting his gravy train into turkey town. Anything less and everyone will think you’re an ungrateful hooligan who deserves a spot at the kid’s table. You remind them that you just got promoted to the adult table last year, despite being 37, and cannot go back. So it’s important to remember the big 3 when giving your thanks, you don’t want to ruin Thanksgiving.

The big 3 are important to me but there are other things that I feel I neglect far too often when expressing my gratitude. In my opinion these things are just below the big 3 and I think it’s necessary to thank God for allowing these things to be a part of my life. This list may seem silly to you but I am dead serious. I am soooo thankful for:

10. Remote Control– If I had to get up and walk to the tv to change the channel, I would not own a television.

9. Stuffed Crust Pizza– The man or woman who looked at a Cheese Lovers pizza and thought, “This thing could use some more cheese…put it in the crust”, should win multiple awards and honors.

8. Cruise Control– Because sometimes your foot just gets tired.

7. Toothbrush– I would hate to think how I would clean my teeth without a toothbrush.

6. Those socks with the lip on them– They help from keeping the back of my ankle rubbing raw.

5. Glacier Freeze Gatorade– There is no better taste in the world than drinking one of these after a long workout.

4. Clocks– I can’t read a sundial.

3. Hair– I would not look good bald.

2. Numbers– Without them you wouldn’t know how old you are, what a coke cost, or who won the Superbowl.

1. You– I’m thankful that I’m allowed to express my opinions and views without consequence. I couldn’t say that about other places. I’m thankful for you because who else would read this drivel that I throw out here. It takes a patient, discerning and kind individual to digest what I write. Thank you for being that.

 

 

I Can’t Believe I’m Doing This

Recently I’ve discussed how much disdain I had for forcing Christianity into popular culture. Well I am about to be a complete hypocrite. So please don’t judge me as I present to you…

Christian Internet Memes

What is that you ask? Well an Internet Meme is just an idea that is propagated throughout the World Wide Web. They are one of the few joys I’ve found whilst scouring the Ebays. Most of them are secular in nature so I thought I would throw a biblical twist in them. Starting with…

The Most Interesting Man in the World

This meme became popular shortly after the commercial went nationwide. It displays a picture of said man and then does a twist on his catchphrase, “I don’t always drink beer but when I do, I prefer Dos Equis.” Here is one of my favorites:

Now the Christian ones:

Y U No Meme

The Y U No Meme is a really weird one. It’s just a picture of an ugly face asking important questions in bad english. One of my favorites:

Now the Christian ones:

Philosoraptor

Philosoraptor is a picture of a velociraptor who looks like he is pondering something. Hence the name, philosoraptor. My favorite:

The Christian ones:

Joseph Ducruex

Joseph Ducruex was a 17th century painter that painted self-portraits of poses that would be common today. The point of this meme is to insert modern song lyrics but express them in 17th century dialect. You may have to think about these but if you don’t know just ask me in the comment section. My favorite:

Christian ones:

Deal With It

The Deal With It gif is very popular among message boards around the world. Here is the original:

Christian Twist:

The Bible is the Word of God. If you don’t like it…

I’m probably an idiot for doing all this but you know what…